The “Charlie Lecture.”
Note Added 2007: My friend’s website was called “ChickenPig” for an imaginary restaurant of this name. (“Right around the corner from everywhere.”) The proprietor—Charlie—was a subject of fictional account, here’s one of my submissions.
The ChickenPig's weird in many ways, young Skywalker. But Charlie brings them all in: there have been professionals of all stripes in here at one time or the other (can you tell I'm making a project out of this place?) but its always the peaceable kingdom. Kind of a truce. Heck, I got chewed out for bringing work in here once. A day of herding cats, trying to get a room full of marketeers' computers working, and I was tired of doorknobs. Came in for a diet-something-or-other, and in two seconds, I found Charlie's very large fist attached to my shirt. Mysteriously, my face was now millimeters from his, though I couldn't recall leaning in. I received a quiet, deadly-serious, and unclative admonition about not bringing the day's evils in this place. Punctuated by a wink, I fell back onto my stool and was too stunned to splutter.
The room—I wrongly thought was empty—erupted into applause and welcoming cheers. I guess everyone had enjoyed that lecture at some time or another, and it was the house policy to welcome the newly indoctrinated. I enjoyed many rounds of fizzy caffeine from all attending, and listened (for once) to everyone's relating their “first time” being told to preserve the ChickenPig's amicable atmosphere.
Funny, no one ever needed a repeat performance. And now I've added my voice and round a couple of times, tonight just a while ago. I heard that collective pause in conversation, saw a rather young legal-type getting The Lecture. Couldn't overhear a word of it, no one ever does. But when she flopped back into reality, lovely dress shirt rumpled permanently, we welcomed her to the family, and she had the right reaction: stunned-sheep followed by relief of almost comical proportions. The confessions proceeded, she seemed to absorb each one as the treasure it was offered. Hope the new indoctrinee figures out the weird part: no one has EVER said a word prior to receiving The Lecture. Just Charlie's mojo.